HOW CAN YOU CHANGE
love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control
Who doesn’t long to be known for these attributes?
Carmen is a young woman who longs for love. She longs to be valued, cherished, and respected. All wonderful and right ways to feel. She watches every romantic comedy that comes out in the cinema and has the entire book Pride and Prejudice memorised. Carmen dabbles in relationships but no one lives up to her imagination. Once she moves on from one man she picks up another as her identity has become wrapped up with romantic relationships but no one fulfills her. Over time her demeanour changes. She is jaded and has given up on the male sex. Her friends have labeled her a “man-hater”. She has built a wall around her heart not allowing any to love her so she won’t get hurt or disappointed. Now she becomes the one to hurt so that no one can hurt her first.
Sarah just smacked her three year old. In the face. It was completely reactionary. He was pestering the baby while she was trying to feed him to sleep. Her hand flung out to move him away but it became more than that. He stared at her in shock and then screamed in pain. Her entire body surged with rage. She locked herself in the bathroom so that she could do no more damage. In her head she screamed at herself: “I am a horrible person and don’t deserve to be a mother. I will never forgive myself.” The little boy was fine after a bit of crying but Sarah is a mess. She has really screwed up this time. Maybe her family would be better off without her. Why must her anger control her?!
Lara runs a community garden with some others in her neighbourhood. Someone else on the committee doesn’t like the way she leads and has spread a rumour about her suggesting she has not managed the community garden funds appropriately. Many believe the rumour and the movement is split into factions. Lara stands up for herself and in the process tears down those who have spread the rumour and believed it. She has the right to be respected after all she has done. How dare they! She would rather see the community garden disbanded than see jealous, petty individuals take over. She plots her revenge. How can she change before irreversible damage is done?
Are you a Carmen? Do you long for love but are sick of being disappointed? Have you gone so far as to build a fortress around yourself? Behind those walls do you protect yourself but also lash out?
Are you a Sarah? Have you lashed out at loved ones in anger only to retreat and despise yourself?
Are you a Lara? Have you been hurt or misunderstood? Are you quick to retaliate leaving broken relationships in your wake?
All of these stories could be real stories.
Each one of these women are broken. They long for change. Like you, they long to be changed at the very core of their being: to know love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Instead our default position is to respond to life’s challenges in selfish ways that harm not only ourselves, but also others.
This is a universal problem everyone can agree upon. Our very nature is being overtaken by desires that cause pain to ourselves and hurt to others.
Christians recognise that this nature is called “sin nature” the Bible calls it the “passions and desires of the flesh” in the book of Galatians, chapter 5.
Sin nature is essentially a person constantly fighting against God and the way He intended mankind to live.
Living in a right and good way is a constant struggle for everyone. It is a constant battle against those sinful desires and passions. It’s as if we are on a human-sized hamster wheel either plodding along slowly or running ourselves into exhaustion getting nowhere. Many of us throw our hands up in defeat, tired of the guilt associated with not being “good enough”.
In this book of the Bible, Paul writes a letter to an early church group warning them to NOT attempt to achieve their own righteousness in their own power or strength. They couldn’t change on their own.
In fact, Galatians 5:19-21 argue that devoting yourself to your own betterment so often leads to actions that are universally damaging to yourself and others. Our attempts at righteous living lead to failure resulting in despair and finding fulfillment elsewhere.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Our efforts to be “good enough” in our own strength achieve the opposite of righteousness. And they certainly won’t make you right with God.
The Bible says that you cannot achieve right living by your own efforts. You may be able to make some progress... and people do. But the Bible’s message is radical change, change of the heart, a change of motivations, a change of our very natures ... this type of change is beyond our human abilities.
Non-Christian, the Bible says very clearly that our actions, whether good or bad, will never bring us into a right relationship with God.
Christians, you know this to be true. So why are you living like it’s not? Are you killing yourself on the hamster wheel trying to be good enough? Why do you harbour guilt in your heart that you aren’t good enough to change yourself for the better? How can you change?
If I can’t change, do I just give up? Throw my hands up in defeat? Embrace what Paul calls “desires and passions of the flesh” if that’s all that my life has to offer?!
No. The Bible says we cannot change ourselves. But there is someone who can. An agent of change.
THE AGENT OF CHANGE
Verses 24-25:
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God, became man and lived a completely righteous life before God and before man. Religious leaders, those jealous, offended, and threatened ... by Jesus’ hard teachings of faith and works conspired and had the Roman ruler of Palestine execute Jesus by hanging him on a cross to die an excruciating death. Before he died he said, “It is finished.”
This selfless act of Jesus is what brings us into a right relationship with God.
God sees his perfect life and his death as the perfect substitute for our failings.
After his death, Jesus was buried and his tomb sealed. On the third day, the Holy Spirit raised him up. In his flesh and blood, he revealed himself to his friends and followers, more than 500. For weeks he met with them and ate with them and taught them, until he ascended to be with God, his Father. Now he rules at his Father’s side, one day to return to make ALL things right.
Coming into a right relationship with God through Jesus is the beginning of radical change... change from the inside.
Before Jesus left, he promised us a Helper. The same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead would be with those who “belong to Christ Jesus” ... those who put their whole faith in Jesus, depending on his life, death, and resurrection to be an appropriate substitute for our miserable attempts to achieve God’s stamp of approval. Jesus of Nazareth’s death on the cross has effectively crucified our old nature with its passions and desires.
But it is not enough for those desires to be killed off. We need life.
Verse 25
“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.”
The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, gives us spiritual LIFE. And in this new life the Spirit sets us free from our bondage to sinful thought patterns, unrighteous desires, self-serving actions.
We are FREE. Free to love and be loved by God.
That Spirit, who gives spiritual life to those who belong to Jesus Christ, did not stop at giving us life. He did not dust his hands off, walk away saying, “Well, my job is done. Good luck trying to figure out how to live like someone who belongs to Christ Jesus.” He is at work in us every single day, shaping and moulding our very essence and nature to become more and more like our Saviour Jesus Christ. He is moving us step by step, closer and closer to being like Jesus from the inside out.
The Spirit is our 24/7 coach, mentor, advocate ... HELPER. It’d be like the Federal Government assigning a 24/7 maid to every single citizen household in Australia.
This is not behaviour modification. Moral discipline doesn’t equal change. Outwardly we may appear the picture of perfection, but inwardly we may be jealous, self-seeking, and resentful.
I’m talking about real change. To the very core of our being. Your very nature.
Christian - You cannot achieve this change on your own.
Non-Christian - You cannot achieve this change on your own.
Christians and Non-Christians are no different from one another. Christians are NOT better people than non-Christians. The only difference is that Christians, and this has NOTHING to do with them, Christians have a HELPER. An Agent of Change.
HOW DOES THE SPIRIT CHANGE US?!
His job is to be with us, to be our advocate, to change us to be like Jesus. When he is at work in a person who “belongs to Christ Jesus”, HE is the one producing fruit.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.
There is no Christian Character 101 course you have to complete, write an essay, or do an apprenticeship to pass. That would be like going to Salamanca Market, purchasing a basket full of fruit, and then painstakingly tying a piece of string around them to hang on your tree. In time that fruit will rot and your efforts will be counterproductive.
The credit all belongs to the Holy Spirit at work in you. It is the Spirit who like a master gardener waters, nurtures, brings about lasting longterm fruit.
How does the Spirit change us?
Well firstly, if you have the Spirit, he will be changing you.
Do you belong to Christ Jesus. Is the Spirit alive in you?
The assumption is that if you have the Spirit, your life will change.
Christians. Do you notice any changes in your life? Do others notice changes in your life?
Can you look back and see that you now respond differently to your husband when he spends an evening out with his mates leaving you at home to handle the night time routine on your own with the kids?
Do you notice your friends getting married and having babies, and find that you are now able to rejoice WITH them while you still mourn your own absence of family relationships in your own life? Five years ago you would have been angry with God and the world but now you can have joy.
Do you find now that you’ve lost your people-pleasing ways, and are able to commit and forbear and see a project through to completion because you know that your are right with God and you do not crave the praise and acceptance of others.
After 10 years of living next to the same crotchety neighbour, do you now actually have compassion for him and bring him meals when you know his children will be away on holiday, unable to care for him?
Do you now bite your tongue when someone accuses you of something you haven’t done because you know you are right before God?
Is the Holy Spirit changing you?
If you cannot discern any recognisable changes in your life, is it possible you need to hear the Gospel again
the good news of Jesus’ perfect life,
sacrificial death,
and life-giving resurrection
to bring you into a right relationship with God?
Do you need to hear all of that again and BELIEVE?
The Galatians needed to be reminded.
They were listening to others who were telling them,
“Sure you need to believe the Gospel. But on top of that here’s a list of stuff you need to tick off to make sure you’re cool with God.”
To point to Jesus’ sacrificial death and say, That’s not enough! Is offensive to the mind-blowing, never-ending love of God.
So what’s on your list? What was at the top of the Galatians’ list? Circumcision but for women that’s not us... What are you adding to the Gospel, driving yourself mad because you can’t measure up?
What are your self-imposed standards?
Maintaining a perfect home?
Well-mannered children?
Having your whole life wrapped up in a little perfect bundle like The Proverbs 31 woman?
For those unfamiliar with her, she is essentially a description of the perfect woman. She manages her household beautifully, clothes her children in the best clothes, wakes up before dawn, she has a business on the side, her husband praises her many attributes in the streets.
Perhaps you are putting a mask on in front of your non-Christian friends? Maintaining a facade of perfection. Why not be honest about your struggles? Your struggles are a part of your own Gospel Narrative ... ways the Holy Spirit is at work in your life. Don’t you think the Gospel is enough? Or do you need to add to it by appearing perfect outwardly?
What are you adding to the Gospel?
Paul was tearing his hair out. In Chapter 4, He compared them to Abraham, the father of Israel, attempting to achieve God’s promise of a son by having relations with a servant rather than trusting God that he would do it through his barren wife (as promised).
If like Abraham, you are weary of waiting for the Spirit to change you, and you have taken matters into your own hands, creating your own righteousness:
Beware!
Paul says that the fruit of pursuing self-righteousness is at war with the righteousness the Spirit brings about. He warns that if you continue to pursue this path of self-righteousness, you have no place in the Kingdom of God. Just like Ishmael had no part in the inheritance promised to Abraham through Sarah’s offspring Isaac.
What are you adding to the Gospel?!
HOW DOES THE SPIRIT CHANGE US?
“Keep in step with the Spirit”
So it’s not up to me if, when, or how I change ... It’s up to the Holy Spirit. Well, if it’s his doing I can just sit back and do whatever I please. “Let go and let God”, right? Eventually he’ll get the cogs rolling. But in the meantime I’ll live it up. Do whatever I want.
God forbid.
Paul tells us in this passage that yes, we are FREE, but we are not free to indulge the flesh. Rather we need to vs. 16 “walk in the Spirit” and vs. 25 “keep in step with the Spirit”.
How can we keep in step with the Spirit? well I have 3 things and they all start with R.
We can “keep in step” by doing the following:
REMEMBER
Remember the Gospel.
Remember that Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (verse 23).
One of my favourite female theologians, Wendy Alsup, wrote the following:
“I have faith that God has adequately supplied me through Christ’s life, death, and resurrection; that He has sufficiently equipped us by lavishing on us a spiritual bank account with great equity to face these struggles head on; that the same power that rose Christ from the dead is now the power supernaturally at work in us.”
That same Spirit is at work in you if you belong to Christ Jesus. Jesus’ sacrifice crucified the sinful desires of our old nature. We are not bound to them. You are not a slave to your old nature. You are free to love and be loved.
You will feel the tension in life of old desires and the new, God-centred, others-loving, desires that the Spirit is growing in you.
Be encouraged that you feel the tension of the two. God is at work!
REMEMBER the Gospel.
2. Rest
Flip over with me to Galatians 3:3
Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?
The Galatian Christians have gone backwards. While they would affirm that their “good works” could never be good enough to initially bring them into a right relationship with God, they somehow now believe that “good works of their own merit” need to keep them there.
One commentator of this passages notes that,
Christian character is not produced by mere moral discipline rather it comes from the indwelling of the Spirit.
Some Christian women place standards on themselves in order to feel accepted.
They must read the Bible for an hour first thing in the morning and pray for at least 1/2 an hour.
If they have kids, they are determined to have family time on the sofa before bed each night peacefully reading the Bible together and praying.
They must read Christian marriage books with their husband before they go to sleep at night.
They have such noble plans and ideal expectations, but then life happens ...
when the first baby comes along and that hour of Bible reading first thing in the morning becomes 5 minutes a week, she senses she is out of God’s pleasure.
When the kids won’t sit still and hate prayer time, she mourns that she’s not good enough.
When the husband is disinterested in reading marriage books together and falls asleep when it’s her turn to read, she throw her hands up in despair.
Has she failed God? Have you failed God?
Get off the hamster wheel, and rest in this truth. If you belong to Christ Jesus, it is the Holy Spirit who changes you, your children, and your husband. Rituals and moral discipline are only valuable if they are motivated out of pure love for God and others. NOT if you think these things will keep you in God’s good books because you think that’s what you think good Christians ought to do.
Does that mean we shouldn’t read the Bible or pray or do good things?
Not at all. These things are not done out of obligation. Rather do these things out of thankfulness, love, and devotion.
REST knowing the Spirit is the one working.
Find relief, comfort, and peace in this truth.
3. REACT to the tension
Note the tension in Galatians 5.
First in verse 13:
But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.
And again in verses 16-18:
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
DO NOT use your freedom to indulge the flesh.
DO serve one another humbly in love.
DO NOT gratify the desires of the flesh.
DO walk by the Spirit.
DO NOT do whatever you want.
DO be led by the Spirit.
Your old nature longs to do one thing, but the Spirit moves you in a different direction.
When situations in life come up and you feel the tension, REACT to the tension in step with the Spirit.
Note that the Fruit of the Spirit listed here primarily consists of attitudes and actions that enhance personal relationships.
love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
So how is the Spirit working to enhance and change your personal relationships?!
You need to keep in step with the Spirit...
Carmen’s longing for love turned from idolising men, to sexual immorality, to hatred. Carmen must turn to Christ Jesus.
REMEMBER the Gospel.
REST knowing God is at work to mend and grow true love and peace and self-control.
She must REACT to those tensions in her life to keep in step with the Spirit.
In that moment of tension when the stress of life becomes too great, you know that your old sinful nature longs for self-gratification no matter how fleeting or how high the cost (whether it’s food or unhealthy relationships), but you sense the Spirit moving you towards self-control. Choose self- control.
Your old nature barricades your ability to love behind a high wall so you won’t get hurt, the Spirit moves you to take down one stone at a time allowing you to love others and love God.
Your old nature hides away in bitterness, but the Spirit moves you to rejoice at another’s good news and you are at peace within knowing you are fully loved by God and that is to be celebrated.
Sarah’s fit of rage and subsequent despair took control of her life, paralysing her in fear, imprisoning her in the bathroom. She could not forgive herself. She saw no hope for change. Her family was better off without her.
Sarah must REMEMBER the Gospel. Jesus was perfect when she was not. Jesus’ death crucified her passions and desires of the flesh to flee instead of persevere. Jesus’ resurrection gave her new life and a HELPER. She is never alone.
Sarah must REST in the forgiveness eagerly given to her by God and be confident that God is truly at work in her through the Holy Spirit growing ALL the fruit, not just gentleness and self-control.
Sarah must REACT to the tension and choose to KEEP IN STEP WITH THE SPIRIT. She may need to briefly remove herself from the situation. Lean on the Spirit to HELP her respond to her children with gentleness. And she must forbear and persist in loving and caring for her children seeking help from others as she needs it.
Your old nature throws your hands up in defeat, but the Spirit moves you to forbear and persist in your love for others knowing that love may never be returned.
Lara is hurt and determined to do the same to others, so that they may know how much they hurt her and more!
She needs to REMEMBER the Gospel. Christ Jesus, although perfect was executed due to the claims of jealous religious leaders. He allowed himself to be crucified despite having armies of Angels at his command. He was raised to life so that we could have life and live differently now by the power of the Spirit.
She needs to REST in knowing that God is ultimately in control of her own growth and of the entire predicament.
She needs to REACT to the tension of wanting to inflict pain to keeping in step with the Spirit and responding with truth and goodness.
Your old nature insists on standing up for your rights to be respected and liked, the Spirit moves you to kindness and seeking the good of others, putting your rights aside so a greater good might flourish.
THIS is radical.
THIS is supernatural.
THIS is the work of the Spirit.
Again Wendy Alsup writes,
“I am stressed with the little ways my life does not yet reflect His reign. In my own heart, the answer is to lean into Him, confident that He has sufficiently supplied me through His Spirit to do good and not evil in big or small stressful situations.”
You will mess up. But REMEMBER the Gospel. You are forgiven. And you are NOT ALONE. You have a Helper.
You will screw up. But return to God and REST knowing God freely forgives you and is at work in you and changing you through His Spirit.
You will fall flat on your face. But get back up, REACT to the small and big tensions in your life and KEEP IN STEP WITH THE SPIRIT.
So how can you change?
Get off the hamster wheel of self-righteousness and get in step with the Spirit of God.
Free of guilt.
Free of condemnation.
Free to love and be loved.
Free to serve others humbly.
Free to flourish and be changed.
This is a transcript from a Women’s Winter Festival talk I gave in 2014. No recording is available.